TT report Round 11 – Man with 2 kittens in his pockets, walking his duck that was wearing shoes.

Y’all ready for this

“TT’s out for summer…..

Turbo training for ever…..

TT bikes broken down to pieces…..

No more helmet……

No more speed suit…..

No more TT overlord dirty looks…..

Well we were top class…..

And we got no principles….

And we got no innocence…

We can’t even think of a word that rhymes….

TT’s out for summer…..

Turbo training for ever!!”

Listen up TT class of 2018, here is your end of season report….

Subject Mark (out of 10) TT overlord comment
Communication 14/10 Lincsquadders communicate all the time, verbally by their mouths, email, text, FB message, forum post. Proper proper lollygagging lot!  Well done squadders.

TT Towers was happy as a cattywampus with all your suggestions for next year’s TT series.

Environmental 10/10 All Lincsquadders followed the direction of the TT course and came back to the King Billy pub in a timely manner. Great work squadders. Absolutely no bamboozlements this series.
Attendance 16/10 346 riders raced this season!   Off the hecking scale!  Top of the class Squadders.


Final Grade……A+. Lincsquadders have made amazing progress across the series. (Since the beginning).  Squadders are enthusiastic, tackle new challenges head on, arrive at every TT with a smile, while putting out considerable power in each race.  Lincsquadders are kind, caring and friendly and consistently help each other in times of crisis.

Now there’s a report worth keeping! Get granny to cross stitch that one onto her hanky for hanging on the wall!

The final race of the series, 40 riders turned up to smash the life out of the course on Wed the 29th August.  The weather conditions were typical late summer, neither hot nor cool…..neither too cold nor too warm….Goldilocks would say “just right”  It was like an alien invasion out there in Scawby BrookLandria this evening!  Someone/thing invaded the racers’ bodies and turned them into flying TT machines!  Scawby Brook threw the kitchen sink at the racers; however the racers went straight to the bathroom and threw back the tub!  Were our racers on the road to stardom or were they more like lambs heading to slaughter?  Who was a rocket and whose engine was more like Thomas the Tank Engine?  The main question in my mind however, was whether the King Billy would fry enough chips to go round for post-race, or would Irish History repeat itself when we ran out of spuds and everyone was fair raging?

Overall speedy legs winner for the men tonight was Kev Dawson of Dawson Racing Team 20:10 and a new course record, beating Josh Jones’ previous record by 7 seconds. Equally speedy legs Ali Schofield of Barton Wheelers CC took top step and first place for the ladies. In second place for the men, and first placed Lincsquadder Rich Robinson must have sprouted wings, as he flew tonight!  Second placed lady was Ruth Wilson of Racing Team Dawson.  Just one second separating the 2 top ladies. I’ve been thinking about what you can do in a second and I’ve decided that it’s not a lot. His grimace turned to a smile, Toby Bartlett of Kingsworth Int came third for the men, while I hear that she likes the Fandango, Fiona Fisk of Lincsquad danced on those peddles into 3rd place.

No one looked as fresh as our junior Jacob Riby, I’ve no idea where he purchased those legs! Well done Jacob.

The remaining TTers put out enough power to light the Lincolnshire Grid for a week. Legs of steel David Hinch powered across the line.   Shutting down her brain and riding on instinct, Debbie Frary flew over the finish line. All cyclinders firing on full capacity, Philip Woolgar sprouted wings and flew across the line, handkerchief flapping out of his back pocket.  Malcolm Dent put in a top ride tonight of 26:36 a PB, we wish him well as  he puts his TT bike away, picks up his ukulele and auditions for this year’s X Factor.  Tonight’s TTers came down the finish straight like grand prix motorcars.

Using Lincsquad’s celebrity connections, a local TV personality was secured to deliver the speech and present the momentoes. Jon Challen, Look North Messenger of Peace with a special focus on climate change agreed to speak  to the intimate gathering.  Jon arrived fresh to tonight’s TT after presenting his latest report on donkey welfare on Skegvagas beach.  .  “Ni”; “Ni” could be heard above the clattering of donkey hooves as Jon and his knights arrived en masse.  A hush fell over the crowd as Jon praised everyone who had raced or helped by marshalling this season.  Thanks to Jon for all his help keeping the series results on the straight and narrow and also for presenting the momentoes.  Jon is also available for weddings, patio laying and funerals and can also provide his own suit…..please check his availability and contact him through the Lincsquad forum.

The King Billy donated 2 trophies this series. To be in with a chance of winning the trophies, the fastest male and female had to be members of Lincsquad and post the fastest times this series.  Fastest Lincsquad lady trophy, was won by Jane Taylor.  The fastest Lincsquad male was won by Rich Robinson. These trophies will be up for grabs each series now and believe me they are very beautiful and worth the pain it will take to get your name added to the accolade on the trophy. The roll call for all those who have made the series possible was then carried out, with commemorative mugs being presented to our signing on team, time keepers, administrators, chaperone riders, marshals and our fantastic hosts Pete and Vida. Prior to the night’s racing a mug was also presented to Joe Naylor who kindly opens his gate every fortnight to provide additional parking for when the paddock gets full. For all those who helped out, but couldn’t make it on the night, drop me a message (on Facebook or through the Forum) and we’ll get your mugs to you one way or another. Thanks to Pickering of Brigg for the 2 trophies and also Cobweb Crystal of Scunthorpe for the expertly printed mugs.

Faster than a caveman can start a fire by with a power drill and a dry piece of wood, the raffle was upon us.   The atmosphere couldn’t have been tenser had a man with 2 kittens in his pockets appeared, walking his duck that was wearing shoes.  Raffle prizes tonight were donated by Vicky Howden, Wayne Beedham, Jess Porte and Jo Findley and gratefully received by the winners.  Jess’s crowd pleasing cake was won by the Gibbs’ family.  Congratulations all…..

Thanks as always to the King Billy IV pub for being welcoming hosts over the series and providing top level food. Why get thinner when you can eat more dinner I pondered as I tucked into my chips!  That might have been a cheesy comment but I thought it was grate.  Thanks to Wayne Beedham for all his help this series, we hear that Wayne is spending the TT “off season” promoting his new adrenaline fuelled business venture.  He is planning to open an activities and adventure business, the main attraction is eating candy floss in a wind tunnel.  We wish you well Wayne, and hope that it doesn’t get too messy!  TT towers has heard that Rob Walsh has been head hunted to bridge the gap in the Irons Management Team!  That will keep you busy until TT season next year Rob!  All the very best luck with your new role.  Thank you for your monetary skills this series.  Our timekeepers are also keeping busy during the winter months.  The lovely Emma, Jess and Anna are flying out to “Celebrity Jungle”!  I reckon these gorgeous ladies will give the competition a run for their money as they take on the tasks!  Thank you ladies for all the time keeping, you have been assets to the team. David Hinch is stepping in last minute to help the judging panel on X Factor!  Malcolm I think you will get through to the final stages!  It’s a yes from TT Towers!  Thank you David for the opportunity of looking after the TT series this year.

For the last time this season, the sun sets over TT Towers, like an egg cracking into a saucepan. In the closing scenes of westerns, the characters are often seen riding off into the sunset after everything has been resolved satisfactorily. Jon still has a Triathlon to race this season, Lincsquad wish him well and say thanks for all his help this series. Meanwhile, I’ll be jumping onto (and off) my cross bike racing in the Cross league.  For those of you with racing shenanagins  still in your calendars, TT towers wish you all good luck.  Skedaddle off now and be safe!  Kerfuffle us with your race reports, we love to read them.

It is agonising writing the last few sentences of this final 2018 report, as I cannot quite find the words to finish. So I will leave you with an old Irish saying to ponder till we meet again in 2019.  “As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.”


position name Race no club time
1 Kev Dawson PB 39 Racing Team Dawson 20:10
2 Rich Robinson 25 Lincsquad 21:27
3 Toby Bartlett PB 16 Kingsworth Int 21:44
4 Steve Walker 22 53Eleven 22:03
5 S Quirke 12 Lincsquad 22:32
6 Chris Ware PB 21 53Eleven 23:12
7 Kevin Wilson 34 Racing Team Dawson 23:24
8 Dan Ellis 36 Lincsquad 23:39
9 Peter Connolly 32 Lincsquad 23:42
10 David Hinch 40 Lincsquad 23:51
11 Jon Challen 10 Lincsquad 23:56
12 Andrew Porte PB 33 Lincsquad 24:25
13 John Chambers 19 Lincsquad 24:39
14 Drew Hobley PB 28 Lincsquad 24:57
15 Ashley Evans 20 Lincsquad 25:00
16 Ali Schofield  F  PB 31 BWCC 25:18
17 Ruth Wilson F 38 Racing Team Dawson 25:19
18 Philip Woolgar PB 35 Racing Team Dawson 25:43
19 Darren Scutt 6 Lincsquad 25:48
20 Jacob Riby  J  PB 26 Lincsquad 25:53
21 Fiona Fisk F  PB 27 Lincsquad 25:58
22 Jane Taylor F 37 Lincsquad 25:59
23 Tony England 41 Lincsquad 26:14
24 Kev Lovatt 30 Lincsquad 26:19
25 Darren Hepworth 23 Lincsquad 26:27
26 M Turner 7 Lincsquad 26:28
27 Malcolm Dent PB 13 Lincsquad 26:36
28 Steve Cannings 2 Lincsquad 26:37
29 Vikki Wilson F 14 Lincsquad 26:38
30 Tori Smaller F 8 Lincsquad 26:52
31 C Kirkby F 9 Lincsquad 27:46
32 Simon Wilson PB 15 Lincsquad 27:52
33 Claire Hobley F  PB 29 Lincsquad 28:00
34 J Moss 1 Lincsquad 28:04
35 Debbie Frary F  PB 24 Scunthorpe Tri 30:32
36 Shirley Hall F 18 Lincsquad 31:14
37 Steve Wookey PB 17 Lincsquad 31:15
38 Wal Kent 11 Lincsquad 33:02
39 Katie Scutt F  PB 3 Lincsquad 34:35
40 Ali Wright  F 5 N/A 34:45

That’s all folks! If you’ve enjoyed reading this report, pop on a thumbs up, and/or leave a comment.  It’s always great to hear from you.

Ciao, Ciao, Ciao, Ciao


TT sec.