TT Round 9 – Scissor, paper, stones settles winner of local TT…..

Waiting for the Lincsquad TT to arrive is like waiting for DPD to deliver that “essential” item from Wiggle or Chain Reaction. There’s the waiting where I become unsure whether I actually made the order, does the TT even exist? Then WHAM, BAM, KABOOM and SAM, “Lincsquad TT Round 9 has arrived.”

Please be aware, that during these race reports, there will be huge digressions and diversions into bits and pieces that interest me. These may be cultural, musical, historical or geographical.  I’ve decided it’s all part of the privilege of the TT overlord report writing gig.  These past few weeks, the Tour de France has held me captivated every night, even on the racers’ rest days when the tour “round up” has been on the telly. Sudden, spectacular moments have made the Tour de France what it is.  A sudden acceleration, an unseen obstacle in the road can change the racing in an instant.  Over the years there have been countless epic battles, making it impossible to choose the best moment.  In my opinion, the Tour got one thing wrong this year.  As well as winning the super combativity prize, Dan Martin should have won the “most chatty” award.  During the processional last stage, the man never drew breath! Chatting away like he was on a Sunday Social ride to the café!  This year, the confusion at the end of the stage 20 individual Time Trial, the issuing of last minute skin suits and not to mention “that” wobble by Geraint Thomas has made it one of the best Tours for me. On the 2018 Lincsquad TT series, there have been similar epic battles, last minute skin suit dramas and wobbles.  This has made the series’ racing fascinating to watch over the last few weeks.  So how does the Tour compare to our Scawby Brook TT?  29 racers competed in round 9, looking at the table below, I guess you could say our Tour de France dreams are getting pretty serious.

Tour de Fance Scawby Brook TT
1926 Tour de France was the longest route in history totalling 3570 miles 2018…..98.3 miles (after round 11) in the ball park then……
The tour riders use more than 42,000 waterbottles One race bottle, however unlimited refreshments are available in the King Billy so potentially 42000 bottles…..
Nickname for the Tour de France is La Grand Boule: this means the big loop I have heard many nicknames over the last 9 rounds, none of them printable……
Average cyclist burns between 4,000-5,000 cals during each stage. This is equal to 123,900 cals for the entire race.  In the ball park of 252 McDonald double cheeseburgers….. Our average cyclists burn enough calories to justify a post-race ice cream and a full Sunday roast at the King Billy pub……(at least)
Until the 1960s, it was common for racers to drink alcohol during the race to numb the pain. It was banned as it was considered a stimulant Also common for TTers…..(post TT of course in the King Billy)…although other refreshments are available……
During the Tour de France, cyclists will sweat enough to flush a toilet 39 times During the TT, TTers (combined) will sweat enough to flush a very small toilet 39 times (although fitting all our TTers into one cubicle could be a sport in itself)
In 1919, there were only 10 finishers, the least of all time 100 percent record so far, even if it involves running over the line with your bike!
On rest days most cyclists ride for at least 2 hours to flush out lactic acid and keep their minds focussed on racing Multi-sport club so we use our rest days to prove we can be bad at more than one sport. The list is endless: cyclocross; kayaking; running; swimming; track; sportives; triathlon; ironman; half ironman; eating cake……..We also reintroduce ourselves to our family members,  (those “super fans” who we see at breakfast etc)  Any other time is usually spent sleeping…..
5 times winner B Hinault stated “think long and hard before attempting 1 of these stages.   2 stages would necessitate a visit to the doctor.  3 stages a psychiatrist- Any more and you should be checking if that person has written a will” 6 rounds plus one marshalled event to qualify for the series……draw your own conclusions on that one……


Enough already of the dilly dallying, Rawhide is on in 15 minutes! Let’s take a look at our star riders. Overall winner for the men on the night was Rich Robinson, while overall winning lass was Jane Taylor, both riding for Lincsquad.  Congratulations on your wins.

Ready for an arduous ride into treacherous territory, Lincsquad continued the podium call, Steve Grocock showed will and determination over the 9.8miles in heat and wind to come in 2nd. His legs were willing, his mind was switched on (but his speedo was taped)…Jon Challen came smashing across the line in 3rd place.

Second place for Lincsquad ladies, Fiona Fisk was riding like a lass possessed. While Chris Kirkby was on a mission today with a well deserved 3rd place.

The on the spot competition tonight was named “dare to bare”. Racers volunteered to race without any gadget that could inform speed or cadence.  Entry was voluntary and just for fun.  Each rider was required to estimate their time pre race and document on the form.  This was compared to their official time at the end of the night. The winner of the competition was to be the person who guessed closest to their actual time.  Tonight’s competition entrants had to use their Jedi skills to feel the pace.  They had to listen to their breathing, feel the rhythm in their legs and push as hard as they could over the 9.8 mile.

Oh Danny boy, the pipes were calling for JC, he estimated a time of 20:16 (1 second under the course record)…..he almost hit this target, recording an actual time of 23:14. However this was the biggest time gap, making Jon the biggest loser on the night. Better luck next time Jon.  Do you hear the drums Fernando?  No I can assure you that was the noise of Malc Dent charging across the finish line. He had left his ukulele at home and was just 1 second outside of his estimated time on 27:13.  I take my helmet off to Rich Robinson, he also guessed his time just 1 second out of his actual time.  Cheryl Orr left nothing out on the course tonight.  She underestimated how fast she could ride by 12 seconds.  Turning himself inside out, Tony England was just 16 seconds out.  He’s a great big bear of a man, Darren Scutt did himself proud, 47 seconds inside his estimate.  Out of nowhere as if she had just taken off Frodo’s invisibility coat, Fiona Fisk sparkled across the line, was she still wearing her spurs?  He’s no Joe average and boy did he move that bike fast tonight!  C Gibbs flew across the line a whole minute inside his estimate.  Refusing to throw in the towel, Stuart Grocock used it instead to mop his face, 27 secs inside his guess. Its always too soon to quit and Julie England is racing proof of this, she rode her bike 3 seconds faster than she thought she would. Rocket man Tony England blasted away and crossed the line 16 seconds faster.  She’s lean, she’s mean, she’s a God given TT machine Jane Taylor was just outside her presumed time. Tonight’s on the spot prize winner was a dead heat.  Both Rich Robinson and Malc Dent rode to within 1 second of their guesses!  There was only one way to settle this, man to man in the arena of The King Billy pub.  Both agreed to a shoot off in the form of Scissors, stones, paper……the atmosphere was so tense I could hear the vinegar sizzle on my chips!  First round……both paper…….second bout…..both scissors…..then scissors beat paper in the third round!  Winner announced in the following paragraph…..

Tonight, while the pendulum of pain swung in favour of some and against others, it has been fair in the equality of agony dished out to all. The racers win some, they lose some, however they will live to race another day. They do it because they love the sport, and to be fair, there isn’t a lot on tv on a Wednesday night…..…… Fortnightly TTs give racers a chance to excel, and when racing in good company you don’t mind if you lose because not only do you have the enjoyment of the company pre race, you also have it afterwards in the King Billy pub. The raffle prize tonight was won by Kev Wilson, a hoodie kindly donated by Metres to Miles in Epworth. While the on the spot prize was won by……. Rich Robinson.  Congrats Rich and well done to both you and Malc, superb riding and sportsmanship tonight.  Anna wanted to thank everyone who guessed her TT time and supported her charity TT, the winner of the bottle of wine was Wayne Beedham.

That just leaves time for a little sing song as Lincsquad thanks all marshalls and helpers. Thanks also to the King Billy pub for being welcoming hosts.  All together now ……”Always look on the bright side of life!  Come on!  Always look on the bright side of life……”

Cosmic skateboarding cattle, what planet am I on? Beam me up Scotty, hit the alarm button Noah, time to get the ark ready! Round 10 in the series is a 2 up TT! Speaking of Noah; here are my 8 “handy hint” commandments of preparing for a great 2 up TT

#1: Comfort thyself-minimise stress…..(Enjoy the journey, enjoy life and be happy)

#2: Honour thy nutrition……(dude it’s all about the food, keep it simple and easy to digest)

#3: Conserve thy energy in large and small ways (Elbows bent, knees in and spin spin spin)

#4: Be thou aerodynamic…(Lose the flapping kit! Or eat a pie, see #2)

#5: Thou shalt hydrate….(losing too much water can cause a hecking huge bamboozle and may lead to hitting the “wall”)

#6: Keep the pre ride meals Holy….(see #2 and #5)

#7: recover well and have fun….(Stay at the King Billy post race for refreshments, banter and raffle)

#8: choose your partner carefully….(someone about your ability or someone not at your ability. The choice is yours. If partner is not at your ability, worst case scenario is that you will learn a whole new vocabularly and new forms of communication.)

Please remember that the 2 up does not count towards final scores on the doors. Let’s do this! Let’s hit round 10 two by two! Let’s share the workload and be the best that we can be! Let’s not touch wheels and be careful while we ride! For the love of TT let’s go!

That’s all from me. If you are out and about training for events or indeed competing good luck from all at TT Towers, stay safe and look after each other. If you have enjoyed reading the report, leave a thumbs up or pop a comment on, I’d love to hear from you.

Until we meet again

Ciao Adios, I’m done


TT sec


position Rider no name club  Actual time
1 21  Rich Robinson  Lincsquad 21:30
2  27 Steve Grocock Lincsquad  21:52
3 30  Jon Challen  Lincsquad 23:14
4 9 D Busby Barton Wheelers 23:20
 5 28 Stuart Grocock Lincsquad 23:52
6 6  Matt Austin Lincsquad 23:53
7  24 Kevin Wilson Team Dawson 24:00
8 20 David Hinch Lincsquad 24:05
9 15 Dan Ellis  Lincsquad 24:16
10 19 Mark Leek 53eleven 24:30
11 29 C Gibbs Lincsquad 25:00
12 29 Andrew Porte Lincsquad 25:09
13 22  D Hepworth Lincsquad 26:00
14 8 D Binns Barton Wheelers 26:14
15 26 Jane Taylor F Lincsquad 26:25
16 7  Tony England Lincsquad 26:35
17 11 Fiona Fisk F Lincsquad  26:40
18 14 Darren Scutt Lincsquad  26:47
19= 17 Malcolm Dent Lincsquad 27:13
19= 5 Chris Kirkby F Lincsquad 27:13
21 18 Tori Smaller F Lincsquad 27:38
22 10 Nigel Abrams  Lincsquad 27:39
23 12 Vikki Wilson F Lincsquad 28:06
24 13 Simon Wilson Lincsquad 28:07
25 25  Jamie Moss Lincsquad 28:37
26 23  David Stow Lincsquad 29:20
27  16 Rebbecca HollisF Lincsquad 32:30
28 3 Julie England F Lincsquad 33:45
29 4  Cheryl Orr F Lincsquad  35:42