TT report Round 6

TT report round 6

TT Racing:  It’s more fun than being slapped round the face with a wet kipper

Give your tail feathers a shake, tonight’s Lincsquad LQ10/2 round 6 TT report is brought to you by me, Pam.  With Jon continuing with his time-keeping apprenticeship I’ve got my hands back on the reins of the report this week, bad luck JC, you snooze you lose!  Weather conditions were fair, it was cloudy and WSW wind speeds of 6mph with air temp of 18 degrees. 35 riders signed on the dotted line to race. The venue was the King William IV pub.  The route, as always, from King Billy’s front door to Redbourne roundabout and back to The King Billy.  Unfortunately a bug kept me housebound tonight so I had to make do with “The Obree Way training manual for cyclists” and Muse.  Thanks to Jon for stepping into the breach and holding the fort at TT HQ, the TT team for continued ongoing excellent work and to Emma Riby for “speedy dialling” me tonight’s results so I could get cracking with the report.  Every pedal you turned, every PB you broke……Emma was watching………

Speaking of King William IV, recently I got chatting to a man who, coincidentally, personally knew King William IV!  What are the chances of that? Apparently, this King Billy fella was pure gas and was the maddest fella to ever sit on the British Throne.  His life was filled with risk taking, debauchery and he had an anti-authoritarian streak that he carried with him right to the throne.  Did you know that King Billy was almost kidnapped?  History states that George Washington approved this; however “my confidante” hinted that there were a couple of cheeky chaps (no not Ant and Dec)……called Blackadder and Baldrick who were instrumental to this kidnap attempt.  There follows an abbreviated version of the actual transcript of how the kidnap was thwarted……

***Blackadder:  “I just don’t understand it.  Where on earth did they find a man so utterly without heart and soul, so low and degraded as to accept the job of beheading the King of England? Baldrick?  That little job that fell into your lap?  It wasn’t, by any chance, something to do with an axe, a basket, a little black mask and the King of England?”

Baldrick:  “No”

Blackadder:  “Go on”

Baldrick:  “I couldn’t find a basket……..”

Baldrick:  “here is my fist.  Kindly run towards it as fast as you can”…..****

Fortunately for the future King William IV, the British caught wind of the kidnap and made sure they assigned guards to protect him at all times.  As he survived, he was made King!  First thing that he did as King was to attempt to give away Buckingham Palace! Next, a (what I am putting down to a midlife crisis) followed…..he “acquired” a squadron of ships and took them on a 10 day bender….. err joyride……..whatever, an out of office jolly on the sea!!!  His spoilsport of a brother on hearing about this, asked him to resign!  In my opinion if any of us had a fleet of boats at our beck and call, wouldn’t we all set sail to the setting sun with special refreshment in hand?   Sad times came in 1813 when King William was shot. Bang.  At the top of a church steeple he took a bullet to his coat….. Well to be fair if he hadn’t been on that roof, he wouldn’t have been shot….should have listened to his mam and got down.

Time to say goodbye to the King, and move on to Mr Graeme Obree.  In his training book, Graeme talks about careful preparation being vital to a successful time trial.  He asks the racer to think of the air as a sticky soup through which it is necessary to propel themselves forward.  Every effort should be made to reduce frontal air resistance (within the rules of the sport).  He concludes that the fundamental truth about time trials is that they are not won by going fast, but by not going slow. Here are the results of round 6, it’s a hotpot of fast and not so slow results!

Tonight’s winner for the men was Stuart Wells from Lindsey Roads in a time of 20:31 Have you ever wondered what a normal person can do in the same amount of time?  Read on……

Time(mins:seconds)that Stuart raced the LQ10/2 in tonight. Normal person taking a normal bath
0:58 Steps into bath, realises that it’s a bit hot
1:50 Adds cold water to bath whilst holding burnt injured foot on the side of bath
4:00 (roars through Hilbaldstow) Eases self into bath very slowly whilst breathing deeply and making hoo haa hoo haa noises……..
8:15 Gets out of bath to open door to allow cat entry to bathroom
10:40  (turns at Redborne) Tops up bath with warm water, under careful supervision of said cat
15:40 Washes body self-consciously as cat watches on
20:31 (finish line) Gets out of bath to let cat out of bathroom.  Unplugs bath, watches water swirl down the drain considering whether it’s a clockwise or anticlockwise swirl…


The ladies race was won by Camilla Morgan of Lincsquad in a time of 25:02  Ever wondered what a normal person can do in the same amount of time?  Read on…..


Time (mins: seconds)that Camilla raced the LQ10/2 in tonight Morning alarm (alarm set 15 mins before desired rising time)
00:00 (start line) Hits snooze
5:58 (spicing it up through Hilbaldstow) Hits snooze, rolls over, blinks, shuts eyes goes back to sleep
12:44 (turning up the power) Hits snooze really hard
16:12 (slingshotting round Redbourne) Eyes shut but internally wide awake, wondering if can manage without job?
18:00 Hits snooze button… last time, eyes shut
20:15 Hates the world, screws up eyes determined to get 30 secs more sleep
25:02  (finish line) Admits defeat, realises is going to be late for work, and goes to MacDonald’s drive through for breakfast.


Motoring in second place, Sheehan Quirke (Lincsquad) and Jane Taylor (Lincsquad) showed true grit and determination!  They took that grit and made it into pearls.  Mark Jackson (Barton Wheelers) and Fiona Fisk (Lincsquad) flew into third place with eyes like chips of ice.  Ben Creasy and Vikki Wilson (both Lincsquad) showed  steely determination to capture respective 4th places on the night.    Into fifth place for the men, mostly using his feet and legs to pedal in a forwards motion was Thomas Palmer from Geared up and CN cycles.   In 5th place and finishing the business end for the women and men’s 1st to 5th podiums was Jen Worsley of Lincsquad.

She’s one to watch and this week throwing the gauntlet down for the girls, Catherine Smart of Lincsquad claimed her 6th place.  While for the men, 6th place was a ride on the LQ10/2 for Kevin Wilson of Racing Team Dawson.  If you want to do well at TT racing, you must ride with courage, you have got to ride with determination, well Chris Ware  and Emma Parratt brought it home for the boys and girls respectively in 7th place each.   Turning themselves inside out for 8th place Matt Austin for the men and Karen Braithwaite for the lasses flew across that finish line.  Having the ride of their lives Steve Hall and Shirley Hall finished with gusto.   Shadow boxing was over for Sue Marshall and “number 4, Cheryl Orr”, they both recorded speedy times tonight.

In conclusion, gates and walls don’t apply, neither do ceilings nor any other limitation that your TT racer brain creates!  35 Racers got out there and killed it tonight!  I am proud of you all and I am here to tell you that whatever you think your potential is, it’s quadruple that…. Or even more!

The atmosphere was thick and fast as all riders came home to the paddock and the safety of the King Billy. Racers, their friends and families all loosened up, the raffle was upon them. It was time to don poker faces and get comfortable.  Kind of like heading to the sweetie shop and leaving with a Dandy Comic and a bag of Salt and Shake.  Suddenly everyone was dancing the cowboy boogie; everyone was doing the hoedown; stepping to the left and dipping with it….. taking a sip with it…. Or did I read that in the Obree training manual?  Awkward…… So the winner of the raffle prize, which tonight was, sausage, bacon and egg, ….. I’m JOKING….. the prize was a bottle of non alcoholic fizz (fun for all the famalam) and was won by Sue Marshall.   Tom Palmer won the drinks bidon! Thanks to all who donate prizes to the raffle.

Holy heckin slipping to the left, slipping to the right…. Let’s hear from the Baron!  Has anyone guessed who the baron is yet?  I’m sure you must all have a few suspicions by now!  Remember the Baron is an on the spot competition “guess who” and the winner will be awarded a prize at the end of the series… we go…

Baron:  “I ponder how we measure our performance.  By time.  By race position.  By effort.  By if we best our rival?  Is there a better satisfaction than that casual look up from the results and seeing the nod of approval however grudgingly given.  Consequently there is also the reverse of this.  The pain and anguish of those lost seconds, the lack of full effort on the climb.  The failure to engage top gear on the descents.  Not beating your mate”…..

Thank you Baron, for these poignant words and we look forward to hearing from you soon!


So all that remains is to thank all our marshalls for volunteering your time tonight.  Thanks to the King Billy pub for once again being the Hosts with the Mosts.  Thanks to all our riders!

Clash bang a boom!  Another report sent to the cutting room!  If you’ve enjoyed what you have read then please get in touch, leave a comment or pop on a like.  As always we love to hear from you.


Ciao, Ciao, Ciao

Pam, Jon and the TT team.




Stuart Wells 21 Lindsey Roads 20 31
Sheehan Quirke 7 Lincsquad 20 58
Mark Jackson 17 Barton Wheelers 21 41
Ben Creasy 32 Lincsquad 21 53
Thomas Palmer 25 Geared up and CN cycles 22 7
Kevin Wilson 27 Racing Team Dawson 22 54
Chris Ware 36 Lincsquad 23 13
Matt Austin 10 Lincsquad 23 30
Steve Hall 30 Lincsquad 23 33
Craig Elliott 20 53Eleven 23 38
David Hinch 13 Lincsquad 23 49
Dan Ellis 26 53Eleven 23 50
Mark Leek 16 53Eleven 23 55
Nigel Stones 6 Scunthorpe RC 23 59
Stuart Grocock 12 Lincsquad 24 5
Andy Veitch 33 Lincsquad 24 26
Camilla Morgan  F 28 Lincsquad 25 2
Kev lovett 29 Lincsquad 25 9
Jacob Riby 1 Lincsquad 25 10
Darren Scutt 9 Lincsquad 25 25
Drew Hobley 34 Lincsquad 25 48
Tony England 8 Lincsquad 25 57
Jane Taylor  F 23 Lincsquad 26 0
 Fiona Fisk  F 22 Lincsquad 26 5
Vikki Wilson  F 14 Lincsquad 26 15
Jen Worsley  F 35 Lincsquad 26 19
Malcolm Marshall 15 Lincsquad 26 34
Mark Turner 31 Lincsquad 26 39
Malcolm Dent 11 Lincsquad 27 5
Catherine Smart  F 24 Lincsquad 27 22
Emma Parratt  F 5 N/A 27 49
Karen Braithwaite  F 19 Lincsquad 28 36
Shirley Hall  F 3 Lincsquad 30 51
Sue Marshall   F 2 Lincsquad 32 9
Cheryl Orr F 4 Lincsquad 35 32