Round 5 – You’re twisting my melon man

Greetings TTers and welcome to the write up and results for Round 5 of the Lincsquad TT Series. Now some of you may have noticed that we were without our TT Secretary for Round 5. The reason for this is that in her pursuit of all things velo, our very own Bellona Belladonna has gained an insatiable appetite for Cyclocross, and was otherwise engaged at the Appleby Plantation. So it’s over to yours truly to navigate you through the goings on of Round 5 on the LQ10/2.

However, before we jump straight in to spreadsheets, names and numbers let’s take a moment to reminisce about a moment in time that resonates every fortnight as we gather at the King Billy. On 18^th October 2011, four middle aged men called Ian, John, Gary & Alan held a press conference to make an announcement to the world. For many it was a ‘where were you when’ moment, that they had been waiting for over 20 years to hear. The Stone Roses had reformed and were going back on tour! There were rumours of new material, even a new album, the psychedelic pop era was set to return and a whole new generation of ears would be graced by music thought to be lost in the previous millennium. Men and women across the North of England climbed their loft ladders and looked for long discarded flared jeans, tie-dye t-shirts and floppy hats. Barber’s shops reported an instant downturn in footfall as balding men decided to have one last go at growing their hair.

Some of the more cynical among us suspected that the four of them had run out of money and were only tolerating sitting next to each other for the financial reward that it would deliver (after all it had only been just over 2 years since John Squire crafted a piece of artwork stating that he had no desire whatsoever to desecrate the grave of seminal Manchester pop group The Stone Roses). As it turns out the cynics among us were pretty much proved right. However, in an amongst all of the ‘profound’ quotes that were given to the desperate audience of music journalists there was one statement that stuck out like a centipede in a bowl of strawberry custard. When asked if the reforming of the band was going to be forever, or just for the summer, Ian Brown responded with. ‘We’ll ride it till the wheels fall of, like we did last time’. And in that one response the King Monkey inadvertently summed up the sentiment of everyone one of us as we do battle with the LQ10/2.

So, strap yourselves in for a tour of the TT Tower’s CD collection. It’s Wednesday Night, It’s TT Night, but more importantly, it’s Indie Night …………………………………………………..

Mrs C may be away on Cyclocross duties, but I’m not brave enough to break with protocol, so ladies first. No 1 in the hit parade, flying across the finishing line in a ‘Blur’ was Camilla Morgan in a time of 25:12. Runner up on the night, tearing up the ‘Pavement’, was Vikki Wilson (26:16). ‘Keane’ as mustard to make the final step of the podium was Jane Taylor (26:22), making it a clean sweep for Lincsquad on the podium, well done ladies. ‘Guided by Voices’ that were screaming “keep pedalling” was Karen Braithwaite who equalled her PB, and keeping those pedal ‘Strokes’ turning was Cheryl Orr. One half of Lincsquad’s very own ‘Belle and Sebastian’ (Julie England) once again gave it plenty of rpm’s worthy of a Britt Award.

On to the men. Riding faster than a ‘Flock of Seagulls’ on the night was Sheehan Quirke in a time of 21:18. Showing no signs of being ‘Sleepers’ were Steve Grocock and Ben Creasey sharing second place, both recording times of 22:08, rounding off a full Lincsquad podium for the gents too. Kev Wilson followed those ‘White Stripes’ along the LQ10/2 course to equal his PB, surely you could have found 1 more second Kev! Pushing a shiny ‘Jesus and Mary Chain’ along the course was Matt Austin, whilst Chris Gibbs could be seen auditioning for the ‘Bombay Bicycle Club’. The other half of ‘Belle and Sebastian’ (Tony England) had his wheels spinning faster than Stuart Murdoch’s tambourine. Paying no heed to the tradition that ukuleles don’t usually appear on Indie records, Malcolm Dent made his much anticipated return to the LQ10/2 course, great to see you back racing Malc. No Indie Music / TT results collaboration report would ever be complete without mention of the man who brings his own maracas to a race, Lincsquad’s very own Bez (Ian Berridge) proving Wednesdays are much happier than Mondays. For some reason Bez decided to run the course rather than ride it, but as we all know he is a free soul.

Our ‘Smashing Pumpkins’ (or rather PBs) on the night were:

Camilla Morgan (32 seconds), Vikki Wilson (4 seconds), Jen Worsley (3 seconds), Catherine Smart (51 seconds), Katie Scutt (47 seconds), Sheehan Quirke (38 seconds), Chris Ware (5 seconds), Craig Elliott (12 seconds), Steve Hall (10 seconds), Rich Morton (2 mins 55 seconds), Richard Lattimore (1 minute 36 seconds) and Paul Armstrong (1 minute 40 seconds). Fantastic effort guys!

Results over, it’s Baron o’clock. Rumour has it that he gave Anthony H Wilson a tip-off about a little known band called Joy Division. Some say that he built his house with the bricks that came from the Hacienda when it was demolished in 2002. All we know is that he is called The Baron, and he’s here with some words of wisdom ………………………………

“Let TT battle commence.  Once again I’ll miss the sweet pain of the dry throat, burning thighs and heart trying to exit my chest via my rib cage.  Like a fine orchestra all elements need to align, tyre pressures, power output, position, bass player hidden at the back.  Bez on the maracas dancing at the rail crossing.  Cher astride a large gun barrel, Brittany Spears dressed as a school girl……a mind can wander during a TT effort.”

Ta very much Baron. Those words could almost be song lyrics themselves. As ever, massive thanks to the volunteers who make the night possible. Lincsquad’s answer to Sonny and Cher (or as we call them: Rob & Cathy) did a fine job of running the booking office. Our ‘Fab 4’ Marshals on the night were; on vocals: Shirley Hall, on lead guitar: Lucy Burdin, on bass guitar: Claire West, and on drums: Malc Marshall. Doing a fine impression of ‘2 girls and a guy’ were your timekeepers: Jess, Anna and yours truly. At the Scawby Brook Barrowland Ballroom (aka The King Billy) we were once again looked after in fine style by Pete and Veda, with all ‘rider’ demands met in fine style. After the gig all the groupies hung around the stage door with one last hope of rounding their night off in the perfect way …………………. winning the raffle. The winner of the chocolates and wall plaque, kindly donated by Emma Riby, was Tony England.

That’s all for this edition of the Old Grey whistle Test. Time to lift the needle and switch off the turntable, carefully slide the vinyl back in to the sleeve and replace back in to the exact place on the shelf where it came from.

See you at Round 6

JC and the Sunshine Band