Round 7, speeding ticket for Jones

Round 7 – Speeding Ticket for Jones

Right, everyone pay attention. I’ve found the TT Towers Laptop, cracked the password (who knew there had been so many UCI Cyclocross World Champions?) and I’m back in charge of the report for Round 7. Mrs C is currently driving back from a muddy field with her cyclocross bike perched on the top of her car, so time is of the essence if I’m to get this report written, published and read before I get found out. This is our secret, Mrs C need never know of it.

Talking of time being of the essence reminds me of one of my favourite stories about the desire for speed and the need to go faster, much faster than you could ever dream of …………………… say for instance 4 times faster. Yep, that’s correct, 4 times faster. The story involves a daredevil by the name of Walter Arnold who broke free from the shackles that bound him and his fellow country folk. Interested? Read on.

On 28th January 1896 Walter Arnold was issued the world’s first ever speeding ticket. Walter was spotted by a constable hurtling through the streets of Paddock Wood, Kent, at four times the legal speed limit. The limit at the time was a whopping 2mph. You could have walked faster in your cycling shoes. But in early 1896, the law said you could only go 2mph, and you had to have a chap walking in front waving a red flag to alert anyone of a nervous disposition of your approach. But crazed boy racer Walter sped through the town at a hair raising 8mph, with no flag-bearer sprinting in front of him. The astonished police constable mounted his pushbike and a five-mile chase ensued. Arnold was caught and sent to court, where he was fined a shilling. Assuming that the conscientious police constable wanted to get back to Paddock Wood in double quick time to put his report together this was probably the first flat out 10 mile ever ridden on a pushbike. However, as he probably drafted Walter’s motor car for at least a couple of the outward miles we’ll not accept his time against our efforts on the LQ10/2.

Talking of efforts, let’s crack on with ‘who did what’ on Round 7. Spraying the champagne on the podium for the ladies were:

1st – Caitlin Bower (Swansea University): 23.59

2nd – Camilla Morgan (Lincsquad): 25.37

3rd – Ruth Wilson (Team Dawson): 26.00

And for the Gents:

1st – Bevan Jones (Sortslab): 19.55

2nd – Sheehan Quirke – (Lincsquad): 21.02

3rd – Tony Nash – (Scunthorpe Polly): 21.23

Hats off to Bevan, not only was he Number 1 on the night, but he’s now the LQ10/2 course record holder (knocking 15 seconds off the previous record) and the only man in the universe to go under 20 minutes for our course.

Apologies for being brief (full results below as always), but I think I can hear Mrs C pulling up on the drive, so best we head off for a quick word from our trusty philosopher, the Baron. The word in the paddock is that it was his Great, Great Grandfather who was the police constable that chased and caught Walter Arnold back in 1896 and that the cycling DNA had been lying dormant for generations until a massive thunderstorm brought a lightning strike to a remote location in North Lincolnshire in 2001. All we know is that he’s called the Baron, and here he is ………………………………

“Stern words from me today.  Rules.  If we didn’t have them where would we be…… France.  But if we had too many rules then where would we be?…Germany.  You cannot have order without control and whilst there isn’t a rule that you can’t use square wheels (cos it’s dumb) there is one in the Time Trial rule book to maintain a clean bike (ask Graeme Obree) Respect the marshals.  Follow the correct course.  Don’t cross the solid white lines.  Don’t dope.  And above all else, never disclose your FTP, race aspirations and that you’ve had to go up a size in race jerseys.  It always ends in tears”.

Thanks Baron, I’ll hopefully understand some of that before the next round. As ever there is a whole raft of folks who we couldn’t put on the TTs without. Registering the riders and checking cycling proficiency certificates were Rob and Cathy Walsh. Operating the starting gate was Anna Gibbs, whilst on the opposite side of the road waving the chequered flag were Jess Porte and Emma Riby. Making sure that no one got off to a false start was our returning holder-upperer Chris Ware, who then did yet another costume change quicker than Mr Benn in order to go and smash the course with his own effort. Out on the course operating speed guns to check for any ‘would-be’ Walter Arnolds were Fiona Fisk and Fred Astaire on the railway crossing, Si Wilson at the chip shop and Paul & Catherine Smart on the roundabout. As ever we were warmly welcomed by our hosts at the King Billy, providing unrivalled HQ facilities. Thank you all, we really can’t do this without you.

I can hear the key in the door, we’re nearly rumbled. Just enough time to tell you that tonight’s raffle winner of the bicycle cleaning products was Ruth Wilson. See you all at Round 8 for the hill climb at Burton upon Stather, don’t forget it’s a counter for the series.


Vice President of the Walter Arnold Appreciation Society


1 Bevan Jones 21 Team Sportslab 19 55
2 Sheehan Quirke 10 Lincsquad 21 2
3 Tony Nash 25 Scunthorpe Poly 21 23
4 Mark Jackson 32 Barton Wheelers 21 47
5 Thomas Palmer 29 Geared up and CN 22 10
6 Ben Creasey 33 Lincsquad 22 22
7 Kevin Wilson 28 Team Dawson 22 52
8 Matt Austin 11 Lincsquad 23 19
9 Chris Ware 37 Lincsquad 23 21
10 Steve Cowlbeck 14 VTTA 23 30
11 Caitlin Bower  F 19 Swansea University 23 59
12 Mark Leek 13 53Eleven 24 0
13 Andy Veitch 23 Lincsquad 24 30
14 Mark Gollings 36 Lincsquad 24 31
15 Jon Challen 7 Lincsquad 24 32
16 Chris Gibbs 26 Lincsquad 25 0
17 Andy Lakeland 34 OTCF 25 20
18 Camilla Morgan  F 27 Lincsquad 25 37
19 Darren Scutt 24 Lincsquad 25 40
20 Jacob Riby 1 Lincsquad 26 0
21 Ruth Wilson  F 22 Team Dawson 26 0
22 Mark Turner 5 Lincsquad 26 20
23 Drew Hobley 6 Lincsquad 26 22
24 Jane Taylor  F 30 Lincsquad 26 22
25 Jen Worsley  F 35 Lincsquad 26 33
26 Malcolm Dent 12 Lincsquad 26 52
27 Vikki Wilson  F 18 Lincsquad 26 57
28 Emma Parrat  F 16 N/A 27 0
29 Malcolm Marshall 9 Lincsquad 27 5
30 Rob Danson 8 Barton Wheelers 27 19
31 Chris Kirkby F 3 Lincsquad 27 25
32 Claire West  F 31 Lincsquad 27 39
33 Karen Braithwaite  F 17 Lincsquad 27 44
34  Trudy Sheriffs  F 15 N/A 29 50
35 Shirley Hall F 2 Lincsquad 30 44
36 Rebecca Hollis   F 20 N/A 30 45
37 Rob Walsh 4 Lincsquad 31 5